So here’s my first movie review thread. I love watching movies and watch a few a week so I figure I have enough experience to provide some level of amateur criticism. If there’s a particular movie you guys want me to review then please let me know. Otherwise I’ll most likely be reviewing whatever I and my brother have just watched in the theatre.
Note: My reviews might have minor spoilers. I'll try to refrain from spoiling major plot details and will forewarn you beforehand or I will use spoiler tags. I won't really hold anything back from this movie though because it's just god-awful.
Seriously. It's that bad.
The Man with the Iron Fists
I figure with my first movie review we should start with something simple. I just saw this movie a few weeks ago with my brother (we see LOTS of movies together, at least once a week if not more) and thought “Wow, the internet NEEDS to hear about this steaming pile of shit.” So what is “The Man with the Iron Fists?” It’s “presented” by Quentin Tarantino, whatever that means. I thought, probably like most typical movie-goers, that it meant he was the visionary behind this. Looking over shoulders, criticizing actors, typical director stuff.
NOPE.
He had virtually nothing to do with this TERRIBLE train wreck. The studio cut him a check for some obscene number in order to get his name on the movie poster that way people would be enticed to see it just because they recognize the name. Do not walk into this expecting Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, or Reservoir Dogs. Do not walk into this expecting a logical story, interesting characters, and good… hell, PASSABLE writing. It’s bad. Not just disappointing or forgetfully bad. It’s embarrassing. The fact that this studio was somehow able to green light this boggles my mind.
But why does it even exist? Simple. Money. Well, money and connections. RZA, also known as Robert Diggs is the director and one of the main characters in this film. He is a famous Hip-hop record producer responsible for producing most of the albums from the Wu-Tang Clan. To be blunt, he’s not a movie man. He’s a music man. Why is a music man doing movies? Beats me. But if anyone had the money and influence to get a terrible script green-lit and have several A-list actors on the payroll, it’s this guy.
RZA himself. This guy seriously wishes he was Asian.
Story and Writing: So. The story. That small but strangely important detail that basically constitutes the reason that many of us even go to the movies. Well you can tell right off the bat that RZA has absolutely no idea what he is doing. He attempts to use something called an ensemble cast where you have multiple main characters simultaneously and the movie switches between their points of view for the duration of the film. Examples include Silverado, Crash, and more recently, Cloud Atlas. It’s hard to do well, but can be absolutely amazing when done right. The problem is RZA is an inexperienced writer/director and it absolutely shows. The film cycles through 3 main characters and attempts to shoehorn some kind of relationship between them.
The first one is RZA himself. You’ll notice him because he is the only black guy in this movie. His character (I honestly CAN’T remember his name) is working as a weaponsmith in Jungle Town China some time in the late 1800s. After gaining his freedom in Virginia, he accidentally kills a mean white guy and goes on the run. He winds up in China and falls into Buddhism where he trains in martial arts. The problem here, is that this all sounds WAY more interesting than it actually is. We don’t get this piece of his backstory until like, ¾ of the way into the movie, so we don’t get the time to like his character. He falls in love with a sex worker at the town brothel and tries to save up enough money for them to leave.
The next one is Russell Crowe playing “Jack Blade" (how incredibly creative)! Oh, Russell. What happened to you? You’ve fallen a long way down since 2000’s “Gladiator.” Jack is an English military man who stops by the brothel at Jungle Town for a little R&R but decides to get involved in RZAs trouble because… he’s bored I guess? I dunno, they just wanted a reason to have a white guy here. His character could be totally removed from the film and it wouldn’t change the story or dialogue one bit.
Russell Crowe's Head
Last, Rick Yune. He plays the son of the Lion Clan leader who got murdered by his left hand. There’s nothing to really say about his performance. He plays a cliché “Avenge my father, be a hero” character but gets less screen time than the other two main characters combined so it’s really hard to care.
Acting: Lucy Liu and Russell Crowe did fairly well but I still have trouble grasping the fact that these 2 A-list actors even accepted this script. That’s the power of money I suppose, I could see RZA offering them each a solid number (1 million-plus) for this film. Everyone else ranged from laughable to just bearable.
The only reason anyone will see this movie.
Cinematography: The shooting and locations were surprisingly beautiful. The film was actually shot in China, and the beautiful mountains and vistas in the background create a beautiful frame to an abysmal movie. It’s too bad most of the film is shot in uninspired and boring rooms and Chinese-themed restaurants.
Choreography (Action): Gratuitous to the point of being mundane. Action with no purpose or reason except to show off all the different kinds of way to shoot blood out of a person’s body. Literally, I was getting BORED of watching people getting dismembered.
OVERALL SCORE : 2 out of 10
Don't see it. Don't tell anyone about it. Forget it even exists.
Note: My reviews might have minor spoilers. I'll try to refrain from spoiling major plot details and will forewarn you beforehand or I will use spoiler tags. I won't really hold anything back from this movie though because it's just god-awful.
Seriously. It's that bad.
The Man with the Iron Fists
I figure with my first movie review we should start with something simple. I just saw this movie a few weeks ago with my brother (we see LOTS of movies together, at least once a week if not more) and thought “Wow, the internet NEEDS to hear about this steaming pile of shit.” So what is “The Man with the Iron Fists?” It’s “presented” by Quentin Tarantino, whatever that means. I thought, probably like most typical movie-goers, that it meant he was the visionary behind this. Looking over shoulders, criticizing actors, typical director stuff.
NOPE.
He had virtually nothing to do with this TERRIBLE train wreck. The studio cut him a check for some obscene number in order to get his name on the movie poster that way people would be enticed to see it just because they recognize the name. Do not walk into this expecting Pulp Fiction, Kill Bill, or Reservoir Dogs. Do not walk into this expecting a logical story, interesting characters, and good… hell, PASSABLE writing. It’s bad. Not just disappointing or forgetfully bad. It’s embarrassing. The fact that this studio was somehow able to green light this boggles my mind.
But why does it even exist? Simple. Money. Well, money and connections. RZA, also known as Robert Diggs is the director and one of the main characters in this film. He is a famous Hip-hop record producer responsible for producing most of the albums from the Wu-Tang Clan. To be blunt, he’s not a movie man. He’s a music man. Why is a music man doing movies? Beats me. But if anyone had the money and influence to get a terrible script green-lit and have several A-list actors on the payroll, it’s this guy.
RZA himself. This guy seriously wishes he was Asian.
Story and Writing: So. The story. That small but strangely important detail that basically constitutes the reason that many of us even go to the movies. Well you can tell right off the bat that RZA has absolutely no idea what he is doing. He attempts to use something called an ensemble cast where you have multiple main characters simultaneously and the movie switches between their points of view for the duration of the film. Examples include Silverado, Crash, and more recently, Cloud Atlas. It’s hard to do well, but can be absolutely amazing when done right. The problem is RZA is an inexperienced writer/director and it absolutely shows. The film cycles through 3 main characters and attempts to shoehorn some kind of relationship between them.
The first one is RZA himself. You’ll notice him because he is the only black guy in this movie. His character (I honestly CAN’T remember his name) is working as a weaponsmith in Jungle Town China some time in the late 1800s. After gaining his freedom in Virginia, he accidentally kills a mean white guy and goes on the run. He winds up in China and falls into Buddhism where he trains in martial arts. The problem here, is that this all sounds WAY more interesting than it actually is. We don’t get this piece of his backstory until like, ¾ of the way into the movie, so we don’t get the time to like his character. He falls in love with a sex worker at the town brothel and tries to save up enough money for them to leave.
The next one is Russell Crowe playing “Jack Blade" (how incredibly creative)! Oh, Russell. What happened to you? You’ve fallen a long way down since 2000’s “Gladiator.” Jack is an English military man who stops by the brothel at Jungle Town for a little R&R but decides to get involved in RZAs trouble because… he’s bored I guess? I dunno, they just wanted a reason to have a white guy here. His character could be totally removed from the film and it wouldn’t change the story or dialogue one bit.
Russell Crowe's Head
Last, Rick Yune. He plays the son of the Lion Clan leader who got murdered by his left hand. There’s nothing to really say about his performance. He plays a cliché “Avenge my father, be a hero” character but gets less screen time than the other two main characters combined so it’s really hard to care.
Acting: Lucy Liu and Russell Crowe did fairly well but I still have trouble grasping the fact that these 2 A-list actors even accepted this script. That’s the power of money I suppose, I could see RZA offering them each a solid number (1 million-plus) for this film. Everyone else ranged from laughable to just bearable.
The only reason anyone will see this movie.
Cinematography: The shooting and locations were surprisingly beautiful. The film was actually shot in China, and the beautiful mountains and vistas in the background create a beautiful frame to an abysmal movie. It’s too bad most of the film is shot in uninspired and boring rooms and Chinese-themed restaurants.
Choreography (Action): Gratuitous to the point of being mundane. Action with no purpose or reason except to show off all the different kinds of way to shoot blood out of a person’s body. Literally, I was getting BORED of watching people getting dismembered.
OVERALL SCORE : 2 out of 10
Don't see it. Don't tell anyone about it. Forget it even exists.
Last edited by Jet on Sun Feb 16, 2014 2:25 am; edited 2 times in total (Reason for editing : Picture Hosting)
